


Deep Pining

by obviouslyelementary



Series: Paris and Kim [1]
Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bisexuality, F/F, Female Harry Kim, Female Tom Paris, Gender or Sex Swap, Light Angst, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pining Tom, only Harry and Tom are genderswapped, the rest are all teh same, two lies and one truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27401320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obviouslyelementary/pseuds/obviouslyelementary
Summary: In good Star Trek fashion, ensign Kim Harrison (Harry Kim) and Paris Thompson (Tom Paris) get stranded during an away mission and some feelings show up.
Relationships: Chakotay/Tom Paris, Harry Kim/Tom Paris, implied tom paris/chakotay, one sided Harry Kim/Tom Paris
Series: Paris and Kim [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2001799
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Deep Pining

**Author's Note:**

> Once again this is a gender swap fanfic, so like please don't read if yo'ure not into it. 
> 
> Clarifying that Paris is bisexual and Kim remains to be seen ;)
> 
> In Paris' POV.

Thing was, she knew she was a fuck up.

If Paris Thompson knew one thing about herself was that she was the absolute worst in the whole fucking galaxy. She was a mess, she was a horrible friend, an awful Starfleet officer and an ever worst Maqui. She had done nothing but bad decisions in her whole life, and honestly, it was quite the fate to end up in a ship as the navigation officer all the way in the uncharted, unknown Delta Quadrant of their galaxy. It was just her luck, to be stuck with people who either despised or tolerated her for her whole life, without any means of escape except for maybe killing herself, getting killed in a mission, or getting stranded and believed dead. Never once she thought she would miss home, Earth, the Maquis, or anyone in particular, but at that moment, two years into their unprompted voyage, she found herself wishing for even a hug from her god forsaken, hated father.

If only he could see her now.

Nevertheless, the moment they became stuck those two years ago, she believed the only friend she would have would be her captain, Janeway, and her impossible ability to take control of messed up souls like her own. She never expected to find a weird alien duo that would take her under their wings and make sure she felt welcomed (and she had so much to thank Neelix and Kes for), she never expected to create a bond between her and the maqui leader Chakotay, specially after failing her first and only mission in Maqui territory, she never expected B'Elanna to tolerate her, let alone see her as a close friend... Paris had very, very low expectations for her life. And now, she was beginning to find out that maybe those were unprecedented, because apparently, everyone in Voyager quite enjoyed her company.

And there was no one she enjoyed company most than her best friend, Kim Harrison.

Kim was the sweetest soul Paris had ever met. She was sweet, kind, smart, decisive and a pain in the ass sometimes. She played the clarinet, she knew how to operate the ship's computers like a charm, and she had a contagious laugh, one she didn’t show quite as much as Paris whished she did. Fact was, Kim was a bright light into Paris' boring, dull, self-loathing life, and she couldn't and wouldn't change her for the world.

It was no surprise, now that she thought about it, that her feelings of friendship for Kim began to evolve to something else, something she couldn't really allow herself to think about.

Paris was, for sure, the female version of a womanizer. She had usually pushed her personal problems into the bedroom, taking lovers left and right, making stupid decisions all throughout her life. And worst part was, everyone knew about it. She had taken lovers during her short time in the Maquis, she took lovers back on Earth, in prison, at Starfleet academy... every time she felt lonely, she felt sorry for herself, she felt like shit, she just looked for some of her friends or those guys that just felt attracted to her, and pushed everything away for a while. She was born with good looks, very common for Earth standards, and that helped her both with human and alien dates. Even so, all of them were just to push away the real feelings she had, for herself. Feeling wanted was a placebo to forget how much she hated herself sometimes. And such, she just... kept it going. Kept doing it, until she couldn't anymore.

Until two years ago, when she got stuck in Voyager with the rest of that amazing crew.

Of course she had a few slips every now and then, sleeping with some ensigns and whatnot, but nothing that truly took her attention away from their weird circumstances. Not until Kim, at least.

Coming from a somewhat conservative household, even by twenty-four century standards, Paris never questioned her attraction to men, or men presenting aliens. She had always a notion that her attraction was always leaning towards mainly figures (maybe because of her daddy issues but honestly who could tell), and she never questioned herself, not even when she was at the academy and ended up having a few fun nights with her roommates. No, she knew she was attracted to guys, that girls were only some fun escapades, and that it was very likely she would just marry a guy one day and be unhappy or happy or something, she didn't know.

But then Voyager came into her life, and so did ensign Kim Harrison, and fuck that, everything she knew went out of the airlock. The feelings presented themselves so quietly, creeping on Paris so slowly that she didn't realize she even had feelings for Kim until BAM, they were too much to let go. Sure, she had had crushes before, she had a crush on B'Elanna, on Kes and even on the captain, but those were crushes, much like her escapades back in the academy. She never fell in love with a girl, never even believed she could. But Kim, oh, Kim was there to prove her wrong.

Kim accepted her as her friend even when everyone else told her not to. Kim, who always had a smile on her face, despite how harsh the situations were. Kim, who saved her countless times during those last two years, who always made sure to remind everyone about her wellbeing, that remained by her side on thick and thin. Kim, with her lovely long hair, dark eyes and the finest clarinet ability.

It was weird, to fall in love after so long, and specially fall in love with someone so unavailable as Kim. Because not only she was straight, she was also dating a guy back on Earth, a guy she talked about all the time, a guy she loved with her entire being, a guy that even thousands of lightyears away still made her not want to go out on holographic dates, take shore leave with other guys from the crew, or relax a little spending a night with someone else she was clearly interested in.

Kim was straight, faithful and in love. And Paris was absolutely fucked.

Luckily for her, Paris was also a very good liar. From what she could tell, no one knew about her feelings for Kim, not even Kes, not even B'Elanna, whom she considered her best friend. It was both heaven and a curse, because she couldn't talk to anyone about it without risking getting the truth out. If Kim found out, that could ruin their friendship forever, and after feeling lonely for so long, she just couldn't do that to herself.

Selfish, yes, but that was one of Paris' best features.

So, she went around on her way, sleeping around with whoever wanted a quick fix, trying not to think about Kim while doing so, and making sure their friendship was as strong as ever, so she could always have someone to lean on when she needed.

Until, of course, something went wrong. Because in these scenarios, something always went wrong.

During their travels back home, they found a planetoid that apparently contained dilithium in its underground area, in quantity enough that was worth taking a look. The team was made up by Paris, Kim, Chakotay, Tuvok and B'Elanna, together with a few other security officers, and they beamed down to the planetoid to search for the mineral. The planetoid was class M, perfect for human colonization, except it was so far from its sun that the planet was constantly in a state of snow storms. It was frozen, head to toe, and even the caves weren't very warm. So, they split up to make the search faster, so they could leave sooner, and of course, shit went down.

Paris and Kim were paired up with two security officers, and went inside one of the caves. They were approximately one hundred meters down when the walls began to shake, due to some natural phenomenon of the planet, and the wall underneath them caved, making them fall down with no means of holding back. Luckily, the wall underneath them was slightly tilted, making them roll down instead of just plummeting to their death, but the four of them did get down to the next floor of the cave in very bad shape.

Paris woke up with someone slapping her face, and she groaned as her eyes opened to the dim lights of a flashlight illuminating the hole above her. She heard the familiar sounds of a tricorder, probably scanning for injuries, and when her vision stopped spinning she turned to find Kim covered in bruises, cuts, blood and dirt, scanning her.

"Kim...?" she mumbled, feeling dizzy and very sore, and Kim sighed in relief, putting the tricorder down and placing her hand on Paris' shoulder.

"Don't move, you broke a leg and three ribs... from what I can tell there is minor internal bleeding, but you should be fine" she said, reaching for some of those regenerator things and moving it over Paris, making her groan at the feeling of her skin and internal organs getting back together.

"What 'bout you?" she mumbled, closing her eyes and taking a deep, pained breath.

"I just got some very bad cuts that I already took care of... I was lucky" she said, putting the regenerator away and helping Paris sit up. She did, groaning in pain and leaning back against the rocks, looking around to see no one else around them.

"Where are Gary and Lukas?" she mumbled and Kim shook her head.

"I don't know... They could have been caught in an upper level of the hole... I have no idea where they are" she said, sitting in front of Paris and tapping her communicator. "Ensign Harrison to Voyager... Ensign Harrison to anyone... respond!"

"There is probably underground interference" Paris mumbled, groaning and holding her waist. "Oh I think I broke something else... fuck it hurts."

"Lemme check" Kim reached for the tricorder again, and sighed deeply. "Your pelvis bone is fractured... this is real bad, I don't think I can fix it with this regenerator."

"Oh no... I'm an old lady with my broken bones..." Paris chuckled, groaning loudly as she moved an inch and leaned against the broken bone. "Fuck don't you have some painkillers?"

"No, we didn't bring any... and even if we had, I wouldn't give them to you, because you would probably start to walk around and you shouldn't" Kim said, grabbing some rocks and heating them up with her phaser. "I'm going to try to get the communicator to work through the interference... Don't sleep."

"You got it boss" Paris mumbled, closing her eyes and leaning against the rock. A second later someone slapped her again and she whined, looking at Kim, who stared back at her angrily. "Okay okay no sleeping, geez... what a shitty hotel I checked in."

"Try scanning for anything that could help us get out of here. But don’t move" Kim said, giving Paris the scanner so she would have something to focus on. Paris took it with a nod and started scanning the surrounding areas, humming to herself.

"I think there are some ruby deposits around here..."

"Shut up Tom."

"You're the boss, Harry."

\---------------------------------

It was expected (although not welcomed) that the moment the adrenaline of falling down a huge ass hole in the ground all the way to the depths of an unknown planet settled, the cold surrounding them would begin to slip in, making their lives ten times harder than it already was. Of course, as good officers, they had brought rations and safety equipment in case something like this happened, but the cold was beginning to become an annoyance and Paris, still half out of it because of the pain in her side, really felt like her whole body was going numb. Maybe that was good, the pain wasn't as strong anymore, but she was also shivering constantly despite the heated rocks around her, and the blanket Kim had covered her up with.

She felt almost cozy, in a very uncomfortable way.

"Don't sleep" Kim said for the tenth time in the last hour or so, still focused on her com badge, doing her best to get the signal out to voyager. Paris forced herself to open her eyes, looking at her friend and chuckling at her, unable to do much more.

"Really? First, awful temperature settings... second, hard as rock pillows... and now I can't even... can't even take a nap? Awful room service" she mumbled, sighing softly and watching the smokey breath getting out of her mouth. She saw Kim roll her eyes, still focused on the badge, and closed her eyes again.

"Open."

"Fuck" she breathed out, opening her eyes again. "Didn't mean to..."

"I know you're tired but I have no idea if you have a concussion or not, or if you're going to wake up if I let you sleep, so you better stay away. Have you scanned everything I asked you to?" Kim asked, and Paris looked down at the tricorder underneath the blanket.

"Yes sir" she mumbled, poking a few of the buttons. "Everything checks out normal sir..."

"What about that ruby formation you told me about? Any luck?" Kim continued, and Paris would be impressed by how much she could pay attention to at the same time, if she wasn't completely out of it.

"It is ruby alright... must be pretty... I had a ruby ring once, my dad gave it to me... for my sweet sixteen... it's so awful looking... so big and so shiny... I don't like it" she said, frowning at the memory of the ring. "It's in my house on earth, somewhere. Mom probably kept it inside the box... I hope she doesn't think I'm dead or something..."

"That is something no one of the crew knows" Kim said, sighing and finally putting the badge down. "I can't get this to work... fuck."

"Hey! I know you will figure something out... you're so smart... and brave... and nice..." Paris mumbled, closing her eyes again and smiling to herself. "You will save us... you have saved us so many times before... in worst situations than this one..."

"I think your faith in me is overrated" Kim said, and Paris opened her eyes when she heard the noise of her friend coming closer. She heated up the rocks again with her phaser, and then laid down next to Paris, sighing to herself. "I think the best course of action now is just to survive and wait until they find us."

"We still have rations, water, phaser power... I think we are good enough" Paris mumbled, closing her eyes once again at the comfort of having Kim next to her. "If only you had those bone regenerator things from sickbay I would be up in my feet..."

"You would have found a way out of here already, I bet" Kim said, and when Paris looked at her, she was smiling. "Resourceful as you are and all."

"Oh, please, you make me blush" she answered with a chuckle, shaking her head and sighing. "I think we could climb up the wall back to the hole but... I can't fucking move a muscle."

"Yeah, so that's not an option. I can't leave you alone this hurt, who knows what could happen to you" Kim said, reaching under the blanket to hold Paris' hand. She hissed at how cold her friend's hand was, but relaxed immediately after. "How do you feel?"

"Numb... I don't feel anything" Paris said, looking up at the hole above them. The cold just... numbed my whole body. I don’t feel pain but I also don't feel my toes."

"A fair exchange I think" Kim chuckled and moved closer. "Can I get under the blanket with you? Maybe we can warm each other up."

"Yeah sure" Paris tried to move, hissing when she did. "Okay you... you fix up the blanket."

"Alright" Kim said, pulling the blanket up and getting underneath it. She covered herself up and made sure Paris was completely covered as well. "Honestly I feel you... I'm so exhausted. But we can't sleep so... what do you wanna do?"

"You could play something for me" Paris grinned, turning her face slowly to look at Kim since she really couldn't turn on her side. Kim gave her a sarcastic smirk. "What?"

"Yeah, I will replicate a clarinet out of thin air just for you" she shook her head and squeezed Paris' hand. "Maybe we could just talk... about Voyager, about this trip, about home... about anything. I feel like... I don't know half as much as you know about me."

"You are an open book, Kim. Everyone knows whatever they want about you, you just tell them" Paris said, smiling, but Kim just sighed.

"You're right, and I hate it. Makes me so vulnerable."

"Makes you an honest and open person. Vulnerable, yes, but also extremely kind and empathetic" Paris replied, squeezing her hand right back. "It's not a bad trait, in fact I think it's one of your best ones."

"Yeah sure. But what about you, Paris Thompson? You are carefree, loud and extroverted, but at the same time you are so closed off. Feels like it's impossible to reach you" Kim said, their eyes locking, and Paris suddenly felt very vulnerable. "What's up with that?"

"Years of practice, my dear Kim" she answered, cocky as ever. "I realized that as open as you seem to be, less people want to ask the real questions. It is easier like that."

"But we are best friends... I expected you to share a little more with me at least" Kim said, sounding a little disappointed, something Paris didn't like to hear.

"I do share more with you than with others... it's just that I don't share anything with others" she tried, but Kim's frown didn't disappear. "Kim..."

"Why don’t we play one of those academy games? Like I tell you something about me and you tell me something about you? Or... we tell two lies and one truth and we have to guess the truth? Or even... never have I ever?"

"How old are you?" Paris asked, furrowing her eyebrows, and Kim shrugged but she did blush a little.

"I like those games. They are fun to pass the time."

"Fine. Sure. You begin. Whichever one you like" Paris said, looking at the ceiling, and Kim hummed to herself as she thought.

"Alright... two lies and one truth then... I'll go first. One, once I ran after my dog back on earth and ended up falling into a lake and almost drowned. Two, before I played the clarinet I tried playing the flute. Three, I punched a boy when I was nine because he tried to peck me in the lips."

Paris blinked slowly, turning her face back to Kim, who was smiling at her.

"I... well I think the truth is... one but I really want it to be three so I'm gonna go with three."

"You're wrong it's two. I never almost drowned and I didn't punch a boy because he tried to kiss me" Kim said, giggling, and Paris chuckled to herself.

"Only you to have such a lame truth. Alright my turn..." Paris thought up a little, trying not to come up with anything too revealing. "One, when I was five I was playing hide and seek with my friends and ended up stuck inside a closet for three hours. Two, the first time I flew a shuttle in the academy, I hit the space station. Three, my dream pet when I was a child was an andorian ghilha."

"No way you wanted an andorian ghilha those things are so ugly" Kim said, and Paris shrugged with a grin. "Alright that’s a lie... And I don't think you would hit a space station even in your first piloting trip... so one. One is true."

"No, you're wrong. I did hit the space station in my first flight" Paris said, and Kim gasped before she started laughing.

"No way! You are our best pilot!"

"Sure am. But the night before I had an all nighter for a test in biochemistry and had zero attention span during the flight. I hit the station and it was a mess" she chuckled, shaking her head. "My instructor got so mad at me he almost failed me immediately."

"Well, you did hit the station" Kim said, smiling to herself. "Okay my turn..."

The game went on for a while, the two laying together, their hands held tight as they distracted themselves from the situation. There was no contact from Voyager yet, no way of knowing if they even knew they were missing. They just had to hold on, and deal with it as it went.

The more they played though, the more personal the truths and lies became, and eventually even Paris, as careful as she was, began to slip out more honesty than she intended.

"Your turn Paris" Kim said after another fit of giggles from them both due to her own truth, and Paris nodded, letting out a last chuckle before closing her eyes to think.

A sudden thought came into her head and she held her breath. Maybe... no. But maybe? These silly games were the best ones to just push in a truth without much risk, something she could always lie about later. Well, it was worth the try, she guessed.

"Alright. One, during the academy I got so drunk in a party that I woke up with no memory of what I had done, and turned out I basically danced half naked for everyone to see in the main table. Two, during my short time in the Maqui group I had a one-night stand with Chakotay. Three, I am in love with someone in the ship."

Two of those were true, and she really had tried to say 'I'm in love with you', but it felt too real. So, she generalized it a bit.

Kim was quiet for a moment, and Paris opened her eyes to check on her best friend. There was no hint of a smile on her face, just curiosity.

"Are you in love with someone?" she asked, and Paris half wished she had focused on the fact that maybe she had slept with Chakotay before. But nah, Kim was too smart for that.

"Maybe, is that your answer?" Paris asked, raising an eyebrow, and Kim continued to stare at her with a serious, curious face. Her hand tightened around Paris' and she felt her chest contract out of fear.

"It is my answer" she said, and because of how openly curious she looked, Paris didn't have the heart to lie.

"Yeah, you're right. That is the truth" she said, and Kim's eyes seemed to glow.

"Who?" she asked, wiggling closer, and Paris smirked.

"That's not the game, Kim."

"I'm your best friend. Aren't you going to tell me?" Kim asked, blinking slowly. "For how long have you been in love and not told me?"

"I realized it a month ago, but probably a lot longer" she chuckled, shaking her head. "It's not that big of a deal really."

"Of course it is... Paris, you didn't say you had a crush on someone or that you fancied someone, you said you are in love. That's a huge thing. Being in love is amazing, unless whoever you love doesn't correspond" Kim said, pressing her lips together in thought. "Is that why you didn't tell me? He doesn't correspond with your feelings?"

"Um... no, they don't know" Paris said, and Kim's eyes widened.

"They? It's not a man then" Kim said, and Paris felt her heart beat faster out of pure anxiety. "Who is it? Is it Kes? Or... B'Elanna!" she gasped, and Paris' cheeks burnt.

"It's not a man, and I'm not going to tell you who it is" Paris said, firmly, and Kim pouted.

"Why not? I don't care that you like girls... honestly I think you could be with anyone you want, you're so... out there. Anyone would be lucky to have you" she said, smiling, and Paris gave her a sarcastic chuckle.

"Thanks. But no thanks. They not only never expressed interest in girls, but they are also committed with someone else" she said, shaking her head, to which Kim furrowed her eyebrows.

"So what? We are thousands of lightyears away from Earth, you can't expect everyone to remain faithful forever" she said, and Paris turned to her with wide eyes.

"What? Where did that come from? You were one of the first people that told me you would remain faithful to your boyfriend and now you're all up and about?"

"Well, no..." Kim said, blushing and looking away. "I... I love him, it's just... it's starting to get lonely out here. I bet Tuvok will e able to keep his word and not falter but... we are all humans right? Or... non Vulcans. Most of us need that romantic love to survive such strange conditions. I mean, I'm not looking for a partner, but if I find one... I bet my boyfriend will forgive me."

"That is, if you don't arrive on Earth breaking up with him" Paris chuckled, and Kim frowned at her.

"If you weren't hurt I would slap you."

"You've slapped me twice before, come on" she chuckled and Kim giggled softly, nodding and placing her hand over Paris' cheek.

"Sorry about that, I couldn’t have you sleep" she said, and Paris closed her eyes, breath faltering at Kim's soft, warm touch. Oh, she was in so fucking deep. "Anyway, just know that you can trust me. That you can tell me who it is. And that I will do all I can to get you to be happy."

"Kim..." she whispered, looking at her best friend with soft, half lided eyes. She looked back, hand still placed on Paris' cheek. "I... have to tell you something..."

"Sure. Anything" Kim said, smiling at her, and despite her heart slamming out of her chest and her throat closing, Paris opened her mouth to speak.

"I..."

_"Voyager to away team. Voyager to Kim and Paris. Respond!"_

"Oh shit!" Kim squealed and reached for the badge, tapping it. "Kim Harrison to Voyager, we are here!"

_"Good! I'm glad to hear your voice, ensign. We were able to find your comm badge's signal and will transport you back to Voyager in a few seconds, stand by."_

"Standing by captain!" Kim said, holding Paris gently and placing her comm badge between the two of them. Suddenly, the sensation of being unmade into atoms and putting back together began, and Paris allowed herself to relax the moment she saw herself in the transporter room.

After that, she was transported to sickbay, where the doctor took care of her and regenerated her bones, and her talk with Kim was slowly pushed into the back of her mind, in hopes she would never have to remember that again, and put herself in such an embarrassing situation.

A few hours later, Kim came to sickbay to check on her, and Paris smiled at her friend as she came close to her bed.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, holding her hand, and Paris chuckled.

"Absolutely fantastic, just a bit sleepy. The doc said there is nothing to worry about. You took a good care of me, ensign."

"Thanks lieutenant" she teased, smiling and squeezing her hand. "I will make us some dinner later, I have some replicator rations to spare. What do you want to eat?"

"Hmmm... some porkchops with potatoes and some apple pie would be amazing" she said, smiling at Kim's roll of eyes.

"Sure. Once you're out, meet me at my quarters. See you later" she said, rubbing Paris' shoulder and making her way out of sickbay.

At that, Paris understood that her feelings weren't about to change very soon, and that she would have to eventually tell Kim about them.

But she could wait a little longer.

**Author's Note:**

> if you liked it, please comment and send kudos, I will write this out as a short series probably.


End file.
